I wasnโt sure if I was ready to share this part of my story. But I feel itโs only fair to do so. ๐
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I share this to encourage you in whatever place you are in life that has you feeling unloved, unwanted, broken, unworthy, alone, judged, and not enough. ๐
That was my story too. I had a fractured life. One that caused me such intense heartache, one that left me feeling betrayed by the very God who loved me most. #religiousabuse in the church I grew up in had shattered my world. It had quite literally broken my spirit. A man in authority I had once respected, used his same authority to belittle me, to humiliate me and bully me all because I wasnโt his idea of what he thought I should be.
I believed those lies for years. I fought with the feelings of how I could possibly be lovable when Iโd been told every which way I wasnโt. Iโd been told Iโd never be good enough. Not for him, not for his kid who Iโd been dating. With a ๐ heart, and feeling totally alone, as no one would stand up to this man who was himself just an overgrown child, bullying because he didnโt know how to handle HIS issues, I left everything I loved.
I lost my best friend because I left. I lost my entire group of friends because I couldnโt stay where love was not served any longer.
I felt it breaking me. I felt it fracturing my spirit. I felt Iโd lost every resemblance of who I was, all for trying to be โgood enoughโ which was an illusion.
It was a mirage in the desert of hopelessness.๐
I kept thinking Iโll get there if only......Iโd given up everything, every part of myself to try to be perfect. But even then, bullied. Humiliated in front of the entire youth group at our church.
Our church was the only โfamilyโ I knew.
And yet, I had to leave that too. ๐
I was flailing, drowning in the image of the life I thought I wanted, yet knowing I couldnโt go on a single day longer neglecting the me through was SCREAMING inside to be heard. ๐ง๐ปโโ๏ธ
This is where the writings bellow pickup. What they donโt tell you is the struggle between the running, and the healing. Except for the greatest love Iโve ever known, the love of my best friend and husband. ๐
Perhaps the details between donโt matter to many.
But they matter to me. ๐
My why, is my own story. The reason I write is to give hope to the hurting. Iโve come from an incredibly broken place. A shattered version of myself. And while love helped hold me together, I had to start doing the work of #innerhealing for the #innerchild
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I donโt share often the depths of where Iโve come from. Because I know people are broken enough, they donโt need the burden of someone elseโs pain. ๐ The reason I share this is because I awoke from a dream this morning, that showed me even more truth about that time of my life. And confirming to me yet again, I am on the other side of #lastinghealing
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As I myself uncover new layers of pain. I heal them just as I do my INCREDIBLY BRAVE clients. I use the same methods. Because they work. Iโm #livingproof.
I hope you can see glimpses of hope through the cracks of my brokenness that has been put together again by faith, by healing, and by love. ๐
Healing is absolutely possible. But we must first do the hard work of being willing to examine our past, so we can unlock the FUTURE of our dreams. ๐
Wishing you abundant love along your journey back to yourself. It is the most important journey you will ever take.
Everything else is a distraction from the real work. When we are willing to rip the bandaids off, examine our cuts and bruises, and pick out the shattered remains, like we do in Journey to Joy, we find lasting change and healing. ๐
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Not everyone is ready though. It took me having multiple chronic illnesses, a spinal injury, Fybromyalgia, Hashimotoes Thyroid Disease, Adenamyosis, having a Pituitary Adenoma, and removing my uterus and ovaries, thinking these were all separate issues. Having crippling anxiety, sleep anxiety causing a ten year battle with insomnia, all while having a heavy cloud of depression that refused to lift. ๐
It was when Iโd had enough of going from Dr. to Dr. being in and out of the hospital. Seeing so many counselors and therapists, I just lost count. Iโd given up on the western medicine world, because over and over it too had failed me. I was just sicker then I originally was every time they would mess with me. I was #donewithwesternmedicine
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Thatโs where Iโll leave my story for now. You can clearly see where it picked up. #rescuestory #journeytojoy