This journey has brought me to many places of deep healing. I suppose the deepest is the ownership of the truth of who I am. I can say these words all I want to. I could tell then to you. I could shout them from a stage. But none of that mattered. Until I believed them myself.
What does it mean to be ENOUGH?
It means that just as I am, failures and triumphs, I am exactly who I was meant to be. It means that every time I felt like a total disaster, I was beautiful. Being enough defines your life in a way that goes against traditions, religions, and cultures. It says that you don't need anything else, you don't have to be anything less, or more, that wherever you are found, exactly as you are, you are worthy. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of LIFE. You are worthy of JOY. You are worthy of living a life you are proud of. You are not your past. You are not your present circumstances. You are not what you own, or don't own. At the core, you are LOVABLE, you are VALUABLE, you MATTER.
In a world that tells you anything BUT these truths, we have been conditioned to constantly belittle ourselves. We are taught to be modest, to hold back. We are told we are too much. We are told we are not enough. We are told we are "extra". We are told we don't have what it takes. We are told we never will. The tragedy is the belief that takes up residence in our subconscious, and that belief molds every part of our life. What is even more tragic is the way we beat ourselves up for not being a good enough mom, wife, girlfriend, friend, daughter, sister or friend. What are we teaching those who watch us, and look up to us? We are teaching them that perfection is the only position of being enough. When I saw what that was doing to my daughters, I knew I had to change. I had to accept the reality of imperfection, and not just accept it, but learn to LOVE IT. I had to learn to EMBRACE it! Because what they don't do, is learn by what we say. They learn by what they SEE. I could tell them all day long they were wonderful. But they saw the things I didn't say. My actions, that sunk down deep formed steel swords of self reflection, and self deprecation. Because the reality was, my actions speak so much more then my words.
Learning to love myself in my imperfection meant learning to love others in theirs too. It meant learning to accept that I was running late with grace, instead of allowing myself to loose my temper and have an anxiety attack over it. Learning to love myself meant showing up without any façade's. It meant HONORING MY TRUTH. Learning to love myself also came as not abandoning myself any longer. As a mother, we always tend to be the ones to give up our portion so others can have more. The realization was, I was teaching my girls that their needs didn't matter. I had to instead take my portion. And I had to stand up for my own time. I had to stand up for the need for hot water, for quiet time, for my own boundaries of what made me able to be rested. That never meant that their needs didn't matter. But what it did mean was that they needed to meet some of them theirselves. It also taught them the power of being powerful! I've seen both of my daughters grow in leaps and bounds by me simply giving them responsibility for themselves and their own actions, or inaction. I don't run around and try to fix everything for them. If they don't get something because they didn't do their part, they learn to do it next time. They also learn to love themselves even when they make mistakes. This is perhaps one of the hardest lessons of loving yourself.
"When I make mistakes, I am enough."
I am a mirror. What I believe, I show to my children. What I sow, I reap. I had to do some pretty scary work, I had to work in the shadows of life, and confront some painful truths. But I am becoming. I haven't arrived fully. But I know that I'm enough anyway. I also accept that no one can arrive fully, this side of Heaven. But we can learn to love ourselves anyway. What happens when we do? We also start loving others in their imperfections. It becomes a way of life. It literally colors the lenses of how you see the world. You offer grace where there may have been none before. You offer understanding and give a smile, instead of a judgmental glare.
In this world of never enough, show them the truth. We are PERFECT in our IMPERFECTION. AND THAT, is ENOUGH.
Learning and growing through this process has been forever altered by my mentor, Marisa Peer. She has shown such grace and humility, while fully embracing the truth of being enough. Her smile, warm and inviting is true and gentle. Her heart for helping others is such an inspiration. I adore her, and have and continue to learn so much. I am so grateful for her teachings, and all she shares with the world. #gratitude